


Multiplayer Games Are No Place For a Nefarious Mastermind

by Reed_Zone_Alert (Eliza_Reed)



Series: Nefarious Shenanigans!! [1]
Category: Ratchet & Clank
Genre: And Neffy Stinks, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Humor, Lawrence Just Wants To Do His Job In Peace, Neffy Tries His Hand At Multiplayer Games, Post-All 4 One
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-26
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:07:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24926677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eliza_Reed/pseuds/Reed_Zone_Alert
Summary: The robotic butler sighed and started to tear open the box- and stopped when Nefarious started shrieking incomprehensibly at him in anger. “What is it?” Lawrence asked tiredly.“You might ruin the the case!” Nefarious snapped.“Oh. This is another one of your videogames?”“Yeeeeesss, it is! So don’t damage it! I paid good bolts for that one too!”Lawrence sighed again and proceeded to open it once more, this time more carefully. Soon enough, the packaging was cleanly removed, and the game case was free. Nefarious wasted no time and snatched the fragile plastic case out of his butler’s grasp. “AHAHAHAHAHA!! YEEESSS, I HAVE IT!!!! FINALLY!!!!” The maniacal mechanical mad scientist suddenly jerked and then froze in place, sparks flying from his green dome as the mini-satellite dish inside played an all too familiar program.“Oh Lance, how could you?!?! This is the third time this week!”“I’m so sorry Janice- I truly didn’t know that Pop Tart was yours!”“Lance, I don’t- I don’t know if I love you anymore-”
Series: Nefarious Shenanigans!! [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1921024
Comments: 4
Kudos: 5





	1. Part 1

Nefarious enjoyed playing videogames.

If you didn’t have the means to annihilate squishies in real life, videogames were a good alternative. Especially when your main character was a robot, and all the enemies were squishes- _that_ was Nefarious’ favourite type of game. But for the longest time, the doctor only played single player games. Games in which he only competed against algorithms- never actual people, organic or otherwise. _Ranger’s Creed, Sol Battles,_ and some stealth-based video game with a raccoon whose name Nefarious had forgotten. _Thieveous_ something or other. So when he decided to purchase a new multiplayer game, he had absolutely no idea what he was getting himself into.

“LAWWWWWREEEEEEEEEEEEEENCCCEE!!!!!!!!!”

The aforementioned butler- who at the moment was trying to put clothing into the washer- put a hand to the side of his head dramatically. “Right on time, as always.” Lawrence dropped Nefarious’ dirty underwear into the washer and set aside the basket before making his way to the living room, where the screeching had originated from. He opened the door and peeked into the living room. “What is it, sir?”

Nefarious, who sat on the couch clutching a small package in his metal hands, waved for Lawrence to come into the room. “I can’t open this. You do it,” Nefarious ordered, shoving the box into Lawrence’s hands.

The robotic butler sighed and started to tear open the box- and stopped when Nefarious started shrieking incomprehensibly at him in anger. “What is it?” Lawrence asked tiredly.

“You might ruin the the case!” Nefarious snapped.

“Oh. This is another one of your videogames?”

“Yeeeeesss, it is! So don’t damage it! I paid good bolts for that one too!”

Lawrence sighed again and proceeded to open it once more, this time more carefully. Soon enough, the packaging was cleanly removed, and the game case was free. Nefarious wasted no time and snatched the fragile plastic case out of his butler’s grasp. “AHAHAHAHAHA!! YEEESSS, I HAVE IT!!!! FINALLY!!!!” The maniacal mechanical mad scientist suddenly jerked and then froze in place, sparks flying from his green dome as the mini-satellite dish inside played an all too familiar program.

_“Oh Lance, how could you?!?! This is the third time this week!”_

_“I’m so sorry Janice- I truly didn’t know that Pop Tart was yours!”_

_“Lance, I don’t- I don’t know if I love you anymore-”_

Lawrence shook his head slowly. “You really should have that looked at sir- but then again, doing so would deprive me of my favourite part of the day.” With that said, he slapped his boss square in the face, preparing his audio receptors for the excited yelling and bellowing that was sure to follow.

Sure enough, the mad scientist/part-time gamer was back to shrieking and screeching in his happiness over having finally gotten his game. Lawrence used this partially distracted moment to slip out, escaping to resume his usual duties. Something told him this would probably go on for a long while.

That something was called “unwanted past experience.”


	2. Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a reference to a certain cartoon in here (kinda) so kudos to whoever catches said reference.

Nefarious plunged the disc into the console’s game receptacle, his gears whirring loudly in anticipation for the carnage he would soon start. Unfortunately, he was not at all prepared for what he had to do beforehand- which was to set up his _War Grok Hunter_ account. This had the mastermind practically sneering- who did this game think it was, telling him what to do? Did it know _who_ it was trying to boss around?

Of course not, it was a video game!

Nefarious chose to hack into someone else’s account instead- he was a villainous mastermind, after all! Granted, he hadn’t really done anything evil since Magnus. The only evil stuff he had done since then were tiny, petty things- like breaking into and robbing an ice cream truck and… oh yeah, he stuck a cherry bomb in the toilet of a rest area orbiting Damosel a few weeks ago. The half-hearted laughs he got afterwards was worth trudging into that literal craphole of a rest area (seriously, how could someone miss the toilet by _THAT_ much if they were practically _sitting_ on it?!?!). After hacking the aforementioned account, Nefarious changed the password and everything, effectively locking the original user out of their account for good. He also hacked into their email for good measure. Once that was done and everything seemed to be in order, the nefarious scientist proceeded to create a new character to play as.

Thankfully they had “robot” as an option to select for the species. Just because Nefarious happened to like _four_ squishies out of the hundreds of trillions that resided in the galaxy didn’t mean he wanted to _play_ as one. And he was certainly glad to not have to go through the trouble of reprogramming the game to give him access to a robotic character.

Nefarious scowled as the little circle on the loading screen continued to spin slowly. How long did this game need to take to load? Was the station’s Wi-Fi out? He stood up and checked the little box-like thing- he could never remember what it was actually called- next to the TV. All the lights were green.

So then the problem had to be with the game.

“C’mon, you stupid game,” Nefarious growled, sitting back down and digging his metallic claws into the controller. “I paid good money for this, and so far it’s _NOT_ WORTH MY WHILE!!” he shouted at the TV to no avail. The cheeky little circle continued to spin, and Nefarious tossed his controller onto the cushion next to him with a huff. “Forget this! I’ve got _better_ things I could be doing right now, like…like… uhhmmm… give me a minute, I’ll think of something…”

Two minutes later, Nefarious still hadn’t thought of anything. Thankfully, however, by that time the game had finally loaded and he was able to start playing. It quickly became apparent that Nefarious wasn’t just _bad_ at this game- he was downright _awful._ This was likely because he trashed the game manual and didn’t even bother to read it beforehand- he figured that with his past knowledge of video games, he wouldn’t need to. Not to mention he didn’t like being told what to do, even from a silly little datapad.

No doubt it was being incinerated and converted into scrap metal at that very moment.

In any case, due to his own stupidity over the matter, Nefarious’ poor avatar kept dying in some of the most awful and often ridiculous ways possible. First his character got carried off by a half-vulture half-dragon like creature. Then he got murdered by an enemy player because he didn’t know what button allowed him to draw weapons and by the time he figured it out, the player had already bludgeoned his character to death. The third time his avatar got mauled by an army of small anthropomorphic green ducks with pointy fangs jutting from their beaks and wore around their necks what looked like… bow-ties? Honestly, the things moved so fast it was hard to tell. And how the critters could stand to eat metal, let alone be able to consume it, was a mystery to Nefarious. Then again, it was just a video game.

A video game that was beginning to annoy the villain severely.

As his character died a fourth time after stumbling into a minefield riddled with… well, mines, Nefarious tossed his controller aside. “Forget this! I could be in the lab making plans for my next evil scheme right now!!”


	3. Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I desperately need to get better sleep... my writing is just _meh_ with this chapter...

It turns out coming up with something evil to do was a lot harder than Nefarious remembered. Maybe his heart just wasn’t in it? But he was a _villain_ , for Zoni’s sake! His heart _had_ to be in it, right? After spending half-an-hour grumbling and another fifteen minutes pacing back and forth in the lab, he decided to give the game another go. It was apparent that his current course of action was getting nowhere, and spending his time learning about the game and trying to improve his playing abilities so he could conquer that digital realm- not that that was anywhere close to being as evil is his previous scheme- was a lot better than wasting his own time here in the lab, doing absolutely nothing.

So the agitated mechanical menace trudged back to his living room and restarted the game. Not even five minutes into playing and already an enemy player was once more mercilessly bludgeoning his character to death. Nefarious’ eye twitched in barely bottled-up fury. It was the same player as before. That, or their avatar just happened to have an exact twin.

His hands squeezed the controller hard, but he managed to refrain from crushing it entirely. Nefarious’ thoughts spun as his character respawned. _That’s it. I’m gonna find this person and beat the living you-know-what outta them! NOBODY KILLS ME AND GET’S AWAY WITH IT!!!_ There was a long pause. _… Except maybe Ratchet._ In any case, he wasn’t about to let this player get away with killing him _TWICE._

So as soon as his character finished respawning, Nefarious started off in the direction where he last saw the player in question. It wasn’t long before he’d found his newly-established rival’s avatar, who was lying on the ground and evidently injured. Nefarious’ avatar equipped his axe and, without further ado, proceeded to do away with his new rival. Once the already injured avatar was dead, it disappeared in a flash of light- no doubt to respawn somewhere else.

“HAAHAHA!! YEEESSSS- VICTORY!!!” As Nefarious continued to whoop for joy, his own avatar was then caught and carried away by that vulture-dragon creature again. “… are… you… KIDDING ME!?!?!”

* * *

_Meanwhile… in another corner of the galaxy…_

_“NooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!”_

Ratchet had covered his ears with his hands as soon as the wail of despair had started, paying no mind to his fork as it clattered onto the floor. The Lombax sighed tiredly when the wailing finally ceased- no doubt Qwark had gotten his avatar killed _again_. And in turn, deprived the annoyed feline the one tool he needed to finish his meatloaf without having to use his hands- the fork. He shrugged, and picked up the plate in one hand and his food in the other, deciding to finish up his dinner that way anyway- all the while heading towards the source of what now sounded like Qwark sobbing.

Sure enough, he found the green-costumed superhero sitting hunched over on the living room couch, bawling his eyes out. Okay, bawling might have been an over-exaggeration, but still! “What’s wrong now, Qwark?” he tried to ask. Emphasis on tried- his mouth was full of meatloaf and the words pretty much just came out as gibberish.

“Huh?” Qwark lifted his head to look at the Lombax through his puffy red eyes.

Ratchet swallowed and repeated, “What’s wrong now, Qwark? Did-”

Qwark interrupted the feline as he lifted up his game controller and pointed with it to TV screen, which showed his character’s respawning sequence playing out. “Someone killed me! _Me!_ Captain Qwark, in _cold_ blood!”

Ratchet looked at the screen with a raised eyebrow. In the upper hand right corner, he could see Qwark’s username: _Captain Snowball._ He couldn’t help but raise his other eyebrow at that. Was this the fourth or fifth time the guy changed his username? “Uhhh… Qwark, I think maybe you should take a break-”

“NO!” Qwark crossed his arms in protest. “Not yet! Not until this guy I give this person a taste of their own medicine!”

Clank, who had come in at that moment with a giant tub of popcorn in his arms, replied in a stern tone, “You have already done so- twice, if I may add. And that was before the player tracked you down and killed your avatar where it lay.” He lifted the tub towards Ratchet. “Would you like some?” As the Lombax nodded and took a handful, smiling, the robot continued, “It would seem that the player who ended your character's life has unsurprisingly developed a grudge against you.”

“Well, they haven’t seen the last of _Captain Copernicus L. Qwark!!”_ Qwark declared, standing up and striking a dramatic pose, as Ratchet rolled his eyes and muttered his usual, “Oh brother…”


End file.
